The Cold Mother Evolves

The Cold Mother Evolves

In the article on the Struggle with Patriarchy I briefly touch on the hidden values of the more dominant patriarchal values which have affected our culture and that of the world for perhaps 6000 years, I now must touch the other side of the equation: that of the cold hearted feminine and its pride. I suspect that as a species we are evolving into increased clarity, consciousness and ability to love. From what I can gather regarding our past matrilineal cultures, of some of these cultures which are still in tact, there is a wholesomeness to the feminine but also a lack of clarity or direction. I suspect that by nature of evolution we moved from an overdominating matrilineal and matriarchal epoch to be balanced by our current patriarchal values and cultural paradigm. Now as we move into greater individuation of both genders, the body itself is maturing into fuller sexuality and moving into adulthood in ways in which we have not been able to do previously as a species. So if we posit that one way is better than the other, we lose the essence of our nature of being a beautifully complex balancing of both masculine and feminine traits. Whenever we are out of balance individually or in culture, we will find that there are struggles inherent in our lives with our own selves and with each other.

One of the beautiful components of Structural Integration and the Ten Series, is that it brings the body into proper alignment and proper balance. There is not a "one right way" to proper postural alignment or "one right way" to balance. That would be a patriarchal way to understand things. That process leads to dictating a certain ideal onto everyone which devalues the actual individual. Yet there is also a certain sense of conformation to which we adhere that reflects that very structure of the body itself. So you will find with this work that your body begins to find a new center of gravity and a Balance through that center in the pelvic girdle and through the vertical line of gravitational pull through the body itself. As you become increasingly aligned, you will also find that you project more alignment and balance into the world and onto others. Like fine meditation, you become more practiced in your relationships and what you create with life because you are also more centered in the being-ness and verticality of your own body. Your live better mirrors what is in balance and alignment with your own inner self.

The Cold Mother is part of the physical and psychological component of women and men in our culture and probably others. If the feminine is not enlivened by the warmth of heart that men bring to our world, we find that women can become rather hard, almost uncaring, even untouchable. I think of the Snow Queen in the Narnia series as a metaphore for this Cold Mother energy. She is all white, glistening and stands above it all in her superiority of sophisticated intelligence. Yet she thirsts for the heart and love of a man, and so she kidnaps the little boy Edward whom she chains to her life. Mothers do this too, in unconscious ways to their sons, and wives do this to husbands. We do it to each other not meaning to, for these value systems are actually actuating themselves below are normal operating consciousness.

I believe that this results from the immature body. My article on relationships tries to explain what I see happening. In brief, if a woman does not mature properly into womanhood, perhaps because her own mother was not really a fully mature woman, and the daughter was somehow "mated" to the father because he really had no "wife", then the daughter's natural maturation into full sexuality has also been impinged. Her own self development toward actual adulthood is thwarted and she has become a father's daughter. She will most likely recreate that situation in her marriage or other relationships. She will usually end up sabotaging and giving her own life away because she was taught that from her mother. Likewise the son had no real father-man and no paths of initiation into malehood, his mother had no real "husband" and a heart to fill her, so she enlisted the unconscious son to be her "mate". The son is unable to "cut the apron strings" even as he grows and tries to take a wife. These "apron strings" are actually part of the body itself and so he keeps recreating his own wound pattern with the mother. Hence as we all mature into what appears like adults with adult bodies, inwardly we keep recreating the wound pattern with our mothers and fathers. We end up trying to make the partner or spouse heal us as the mother or father should have, with both genders needing more fathering and more mothering.

Because of this situation, many women have lost a respect for men and while denigrating the patriarchy, have equally moved into a cold pride about the superiority of the feminine. In men we might feel this hardness and self-justification, and in women, you feel another sort of cold hardness and inability to be warm, loving, kind and sincere. Both men and women are living behind walls created from layers of defense taken on by years of personal struggle and that of the family's and culture's. From these walls, we can not begin to move into a real and successful relationship with each other because we are both caught in systems of thought that denigrate and criticize the other severely.

Through my work, I am beginning to release these patterns and thoughts. I do this through the Ten Series of Structural Integration, but I am also bringing into your body much work with the chakra system which relates to the auric or personal self. The auric field, with its 7 chakra system (this is only one of several models of which I know). As the chakras clear and your ego self becomes more aware with greater positive connection to your own self (the body and the soul), you begin to find more harmony with your many selves or voices or parts. As the masculine values of right-wrong, timelines and productivity, order and law make room for a softer form of being-ness in the now and a sort of softer yet conscious survival love that women bring to their families, you will begin to notice that a new balance within your own psyche is developing. I also work with the Haric System of Light which contains the energy and symphony of understanding of your soul's reason for incarnation. This line of Light mirrors the verticality of your body, so as you stand with greater verticality and postural alignment, you quite naturally begin to choose to live with greater integrity to your soul's deepest longing and message. Other work supports your actual Soul Configuration that moves beyond any one lifetime and whose mystery goes beyond any personal understanding of my own.

If we do not come into balance within ourselves, no longer at war between the sexes and between our own inner masculine and feminine, we will continue to be at war with others in our world and on our planet. While my hands will only touch a few really in my life time, as we change the consciousness of one another through resonance, we will also be changing the world in which we live. The earth itself is a living organism and as we change our consciousness we also change our ways to touch and live with the earth. This also changes us. And how this resonates into our consciousness of space and time and other life and galaxies and what is expanding or contracting and the WHY . . . again is far beyond me. That we do touch and change and evolve . . . is what is important. That we do come into better ability to embrace our differences and find a way to come together in harmony and balance with each other, and thereby create more peace, love and ways to embrace each other and life itself, is very important.

So I began this brief article with ideas about the Cold Mother. As I work with women, I often find a strong sense of protection around their hearts in the fascia of the pericardium. Their arms as well are often moving into patterns to protect and defend their hearts. Since many women have not really grown up to be women and are involved sexually when some inner part of them is not yet ready to give themselves, even if they appear quite womanly, they must find a way to defend their heart. Sometimes this pattern started when young because there was actual sexual and physical abuse. Sometimes the pattern of incest was simply psychic and not acted out exactly. Later a woman might marry a man for reasons of survival or something else but not really want that marriage. Her own lack of self-autonomy or ability to claim her life for herself or her own devaluation precludes her from being able to say NO and not marry or later to get out of the marriage or relationship. So she will begin to try to close her legs or cross them and she will also find ways to make her heart hard.

The constriction in the legs often incurs knee problems and hip strain that later in life can become quite severe. When I have entered into more personal conversations of women's lives who have had hip and/or knee replacements or other forms of surgery like hysterectomies, I have found an underlying story of her inabiity to cope with certain messages passed down from the overriding patriarchal voice and demands placed upon her for sex, affection and sustenance for which she could not easily comply. The body has to deal with all of the projections heaped upon it, both good and bad. The energy of thought is real and the body becomes the receptor of these messages. If a partner continuously thinks ill of his partner, she will eventually become ill in some way. Eventually as women our bodies become more hard and cold, unable to love and give and receive in good ways. Some women will find their ways to a more constructive feminine relationship with another female, but even then, both women will need to negotiate underlying messages about feminism, sexuality, the patriarchal values, the need for the warmth of the heart of men, and the balance within their own lives. The same is true in reverse with men who chose gay marriages. What I am pointing to again is that there is no one right or wrong way, but underneath we all are having to come into more consciousness and balance of our own inner gendered parts.

The hardness of heart is something I can begin to literally soften. As these tissues of defense and shielding begin to melt, a woman will also go through emotional waves of releasing. Her heart has been closed often for a long time, unable to feel. This is painful to a woman because she knows inherently that she is one who loves and gives and encourages the life of others in her own special ways. When she blocks relationship to men, she is also hurting herself. Sometimes she must truly block her heart to protect herself, but later as she wishes to move into a more constructive relationship in life for herself and with others, these blocks must be softened. Her own vulnerability will begin to allow her to come into better relationship. These blocks are often held tightly in the pelvic girdle and also deep within the core of the psoas and nervous system as well as in the shoulder girdle and arms. There is no way to help soften the cold mother using just words as the hardness is actually a hardening of tissue and a physical inability to respond naturally to life and others.

I suggest that we are in a time of evolving into real and actual maturation of our species, homo sapien. The body itself has been denigrated by the patriarchal values and now that is beginning to change quickly. However we do not want to return to a matriarchal time either. The masculine and feminine roles and values must find a way to be in balance with each other. We are halves of the same coin of life, different but equal . . . and certainly not the same. Why would we ever want to be the same? There is only romance when men are men, and women are women. What constitutes a man and a woman . . .well there are so many variations that it's not one way or one thing. However the relationships that do work in outer life are ones in which each individual has actually come into a mature balance of the genders inside and so project that outwardly to attract the right other significant person.

In this way, I might say that my work is about the INNER MARRIAGE. As I help the body mature and grow, become aligned and flexible, come into better balance forward and back and to each side and up and down, the inner harmony of self is also growing and changing and transforming. As you become more whole of body, you will also become more whole psychologically and spiritually. The Cold Mother softens. The Hard Voice of Rightness and Control of the father relaxes. Somehow out of a new opening evolves an increasing mature body and mature self. Now the patterns of marriage and families need not be so replicated for generations. Now we have ways of helping our species mature more properly and come into increasingly beneficial harmony with each other, the planet and life beyond.

If my work might interest you, please feel free to call or write. I do personal sessions in my home-office in Montana as well as long distance work via phone and long distance healing work. Both are valuable and I work with clients here in Montana and elsewhere.

There are also many other gifted healers in our world and many Rolfers or Structural Integrationists who can bring the work of Dr. Rolf to you which will profoundly help you on your way!

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Please call or write if you would like more information or to schedule a session. You can read more about my sessions or explore my blog.

Thank you so much for your time, your interest and your willingness of heart to grow!

✌️ Rebecca Coursey